The Stories We Tell

I think a lot about what kinds of things I want to make a special effort to share with my kids. What are the images and stories I want them to hear about the world, and their place in it.


There isn't some dogma I am tied to, or some liberal, middle-class "Perfect Mom" ideal that I am striving to achieve. I am not, and have no desire to be middle-class, or liberal. And I don't believe in those glossy media notions of the "good" or "perfect" mom. My partner and I are working class, solidly where the government considers us "impoverished." (Which, even when struggling to pay our bills, I acknowledge how much relative wealth and privilege we have. Incredible privilege, actually. But more on that at a later date.)


I also don't identify as a "Liberal." My beliefs about government, community, environmental issues, capital and commerce are deeper into the roots of the issues. I prefer to discuss and work on the origins of the issue and how we can change things at their depths, instead of just bandaging the wounds.  I think this leads to my interest in revolutionizing the ways we view and engage with childhood. Because, is our culture not born and reborn with every new generation?


Something that has become incredibly important to me is being aware of the messages about the world that we are passing along to children. We pass along the information that gives them their image of themselves and the world through language we use, the ways we interact, the activities we pursue, and encourage (or force)  them to pursue. We pass these stories that become their facts about the world through various media, including movies, television, and books. We pass them along through the things they are taught in school, or perhaps more importantly, the way they are taught.


Some of the choices my partner and I have made so far include not having a television in our house, or showing our kids videos (on any device, at home or not.) I would love if the "no TV/movie" thing lasted until they were teens, but I realize that is virtually impossible. As it is, at almost two years old, they have never watched Dora the Explorer or Yo Gabba Gabba, or anything other than and eight second clip of their cousin doing a somersault. (And now they can't pass the computer without demanding " Baby! Baby! Baby!")


We also got rid of a bunch of racist records from my childhood, regardless of how charming the music was. These included a Burl Ives album and Disney's Bre'r Rabbit and the Tar Baby.


And we are REALLY picky about the kids books we keep around.


In the title essay of Should We Burn Babar by Herbert Kohl, the author uses the Babar books by Laurent de Brunhoff to discuss troubling aspects of some children's literature considered "classic."


"In Babar the reader learns that there are different classes of people and the Rich Lady is of the better (that is richer) class. And that the elephants are not as good as people, but might be if they imitate people. Was I aware of those distinctions as a child? Did I learn to admire the rich from reading the book?Did I also learn about the inferiority of creatures from the jungle (people included)?" 
pg 7


And so he asks,


"Was Babar so offensive that it should be eliminated? Or so powerful an influence that it was dangerous to young children? More generally, if literature has an influence on children's behavior, then the classics may present a problem for parents and teacher if their content portrays, sanctions, and even models inequity. What to do about kings and princesses? About the triumph of strong and the mocking of the weak? About the glorification of wealth and the sanction of "deserved" poverty? About the portrayal of some people as civilized and others as savage? Should books that represent these antidemocratic sentiments be a major part of our children's earliest repertoire of stories and tales, or should we avoid purchasing them and sharing them with our children?"
pg 4


Kohl further discusses the images of power, civilization, class, and the underlying racism within the Babar books.


Kohl brings up the question of whether or not we should throw away any books with values contrary to our own.


"Should children be protected from many of the classics of children's literature if these works seem to celebrate oppression, embody racism or provide images of women as subordinate to men?"
pg 13


Kohl suggest that avoiding all stories, toys and images that don't jibe with our own beliefs is virtually impossible. He goes on to say that introducing our kids to these things and then engaging in critical discussion with them about it is perhaps the best way to deal with it.


"However, read uncritically, there is always the possibility that a book like Babar can contribute to the formation of stereotypes and attitudes that might be reinforced by other reading, by TV, and by the nature and shape of the toys manufactured for children's use. Children's books contribute to the formation of culture, and some books, can even transform the way children look at and relate to the world."
pg 23


Kohl concludes his essay by saying,


"I'd use Babar only if the children had been surrounded by a wealth of books and stories and tales."
 "If there were only a few books a child had access to, it would be foolish to select any that have racial, class or sexual bias woven into their content."
pg 29


I love Kohl's statements about engaging kids in critical discussion, and he points out that this can be done with children as young as toddlers. The task of raising critical thinkers instead of passive consumers of information is an important one. I think this, and clear communication are two of the top skills I hope to help my daughters learn. However, I still think that there is plenty they will be exposed to that can provide opportunities for these discussions.


I'd venture to say that the vast majority of children's books available are biased in directions I feel no need to enforce in my children's minds. There is plenty of that in the culture at large. I would like to share with my children books that focus on cooperation, diversity of culture, and diversity of lifestyle, among other things. These books are harder to come by than you'd think. Then, if you are looking for them to be non-stereotypical about gender, and on top of that be well-written and beautifully illustrated, you whittle it down much, much more.


I think that the messages passed along by the whole of the jumble of children's books are not even as blatantly racist and classist as Babar. I think that, in some ways, the things that are less obvious that we are teaching them about the world are the ones I am more interested in dissecting. I'd bet that most people, even those who read their kids Sleeping Beauty at night, could tell you why lots of fairy tales are sexist. But what about the power issues in the classic The Runaway Bunny, or the assumed norm of "whiteness" in kids' book illustrations. How about the very specific cultural assumption that all babies sleep in cribs and drink from bottles? Or that everyone is "able-bodied" and families are of a single race, and generally middle class?


What are the assumed mainstream cultural ethics and values in these books? If detailed outside of a story about bunnies or fishies, would we as adults even agree that these are the pieces of our culture we wish to propagate?


I'd like to repeat what Herbert Kohl wrote...


"Children's books contribute to the formation of culture and some books can even transform the way children look at and relate to the world."


I'd venture to take it one step further and say that the stories we tell children are vital in the weaving of the future world they will grow up and exist in. Perhaps we should start to look closer at what we are teaching them are the "truths" of the world?